{"product_id":"classic-tote-bag-black-matza-tastes-like-cardboard","title":"'Matza Tastes Like Cardboard' Black Tote Bag — Eight Days of Solidarity Never Looked This Good","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou eat it every year. You will eat it next year. You will eat it for the rest of your life because that is who you are and where you come from. The least you can do is carry a great bag while you do it.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cem\u003eMatza Tastes Like Cardboard\u003c\/em\u003e black tote is for the honest ones. The ones who set the Seder table with love, make the brisket from scratch, hide the afikomen with genuine enthusiasm — and then, quietly, between the second and third glass of wine, lean over to someone they trust and say it. The thing everyone is thinking. The truth that has been sitting at the Passover table for generations, unspoken, like a very flat cracker.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTake this bag to the Passover market. Fill it with matza you will eat out of obligation and charoset you will eat out of joy. Add a jar of homemade mayo — just keep it away from the pastrami, because pastrami with cream cheese is a hate crime against your ancestors and this bag has witnessed enough already.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e❖️ For the honest, the faithful, and the slightly bloated\u003cbr\u003e\n🖤 Classic black — as timeless as the Exodus, as chic as your suffering\u003cbr\u003e\n🛍️ 10-litre capacity — enough matza for eight days and one very good jar of pickles\u003cbr\u003e\n🚫 Pastrami and cream cheese strictly prohibited in this bag. We mean it.\u003cbr\u003e\n💪 Reinforced handles — strong enough for brisket, strong enough for tradition\u003cbr\u003e\n🧵 100% cotton — babushka-approved, softer than matza by a significant margin\u003cbr\u003e\n🖼️ Large print area at front — bold enough to say what everyone is thinking\u003cbr\u003e\n🧹 Machine wash warm (max 40°C), tumble dry low — treat it better than matza deserves\u003cbr\u003e\n✨ Printed on demand — no minimums, maximum Passover spirit\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eNext year in Jerusalem. With this bag. And better bread. Hang the tote. L'chaim. 💙\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Phyllis Tulazsewski - Joyful Objects","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52993737130312,"sku":"39176de1-fbcb-479c-a541-50b4b55541e0","price":34.0,"currency_code":"EUR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0956\/3481\/7352\/files\/e45e9e92-b4e9-432f-84be-497731577374.webp?v=1777361107","url":"https:\/\/phyllis-tulaszewski.com\/products\/classic-tote-bag-black-matza-tastes-like-cardboard","provider":"Phyllis Tulaszewski - Joyful Objects","version":"1.0","type":"link"}