{"product_id":"classic-tote-bag-black-undersexed-like-virgin-mary","title":"'Undersexed Like Virgin Mary' Tote Bag — Theologically Flexible. Universally Relatable.","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShe did not choose celibacy. Celibacy chose her. And she is carrying her groceries in style while she waits it out. Obviously.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHere is what nobody tells you about the undersexed lifestyle: it is surprisingly peaceful. You go to bed at 9 PM. You have excellent skin. You finish your own sentences. You do not have to explain your Ray Peat diet to anyone. You light a candle, you do your skincare, you wake up on your own schedule, and you carry this tote to the farmers market with the quiet dignity of someone who has made a temporary but very intentional life choice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd then one day a Jewish man from the Galilee read the phrase and said he related immediately. Which confirmed what we already suspected: this is not a Catholic problem. This is a universal human condition that transcends all denominations, all borders, all theological frameworks. The undersexed are everywhere. They are among us. They carry totes. 😂\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is for the relapsed Catholic who still crosses herself out of habit. The recently single who has rediscovered the spiritual benefits of a very large bed all to herself. The one who decided that a trashy dating app is simply not worth it and self-love is a perfectly valid alternative. The woman who is too precious for sex with the wrong one and knows it. Obviously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUndersexed Like Virgin Mary is not a complaint. It is a diagnosis. It is a lifestyle. It is a tote bag now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🖤 Black tote, bold pink font — dark on the outside, warm and slightly ironic on the inside, exactly like the celibate era\u003cbr\u003e🕯️ Pairs perfectly with 'Guilt Is My Love Language' and 'I Gotta Confess' — the full Catholic guilt collection, carry it all to confession\u003cbr\u003e🛍️ 10 litre capacity — enough for your groceries, your candles, and your very intentional life choices\u003cbr\u003e🧵 100% cotton, reinforced stitching on handles — sturdy enough for the long haul. You know about long hauls.\u003cbr\u003e🧹 Machine wash warm (max 40°C), tumble dry low\u003cbr\u003e✨ Printed on demand — no minimums, no judgment, no unsolicited dating advice\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eCarry it to the farmers market. Carry it to the candle shop. Carry it everywhere the wrong ones are not invited.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eYou are too precious for the wrong one. That deserves a tote. Obviously.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eL'chaim. Amen. Whatever applies. 💙\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Phyllis Tulazsewski - Joyful Objects","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53241198510408,"sku":"5018c4ec-0d2a-4854-b3a0-429f60dd2ed7","price":34.0,"currency_code":"EUR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0956\/3481\/7352\/files\/713c8c22-d2b9-447d-a57f-66c3b3604249.jpg?v=1780810780","url":"https:\/\/phyllis-tulaszewski.com\/products\/classic-tote-bag-black-undersexed-like-virgin-mary","provider":"Phyllis Tulaszewski - Joyful Objects","version":"1.0","type":"link"}