I am a pretty boundaried person. I know how to say no. I have blocked people before without losing sleep over it.
So how did I spend months being slowly drained by someone I met on LinkedIn without fully realising what was happening?
Simply: it happened slowly. And slowly is how these things always happen.
It started normally. A connection request. Some genuine conversation. Someone who seemed interested in what I was building. Nothing alarming. Nothing that would have made me think — block this person immediately.
But then the questions started. Every single day.
How is the weather there? Is it sunny today? How many products did you make today? Send me your product links. What did you have for breakfast? Did you get your cleaning done? Are you going to your mum's today? Is her hand better? What will you cook for lunch there? Has more bureaucracy come up? Did you do your workout? How long will you be working today? Which groceries did you order? Will you take a nap? Tell me when you are finished with X and Y so I know. Tell me when you put your phone away so I know that.
Every single department of my life. Daily. Without exception. The man wanted a live ticker. I was apparently running a one-woman news channel and nobody told me.
And then there was the 3 AM thing.
I schedule posts to go live in the middle of the night. When one went up, he would immediately message me on WhatsApp asking why I was awake. If I did not respond fast enough — LinkedIn comments and messages would follow next. I actually started explaining my scheduled posts to him so he would not worry about why I was awake at 3 AM.
Read that sentence again. I was managing his anxiety about my sleep schedule.
I had written a blog post in early March about putting my phone on flight mode to focus and spend less time on WhatsApp. His response was to suggest I should just use WhatsApp Web instead. That was March. That tells you everything about how early it started — he did not want me less on my phone. He wanted me permanently reachable. By him. At all times.
I had adapted completely without noticing. I was giving updates I had never been asked to give anyone. I was managing his feelings with my own energy. I was glued to my phone because not responding fast enough had consequences.
That is not weakness. That is how this pattern works. If he had shown up on day one with the full surveillance schedule I would have blocked him in week one. It does not start there. It starts warm. And then so gradually you cannot see it happening — one day you are explaining your 3 AM scheduled posts to a LinkedIn connection and somehow that feels normal.
It was not normal. Obviously.
He also ruined my shop launch weekend. I was taking care of a depressed friend who genuinely needed me — and he chose that exact weekend to make everything about himself. After the launch he started picking fights with me weekly, then insisting he was not making it about himself. I told him clearly what his core issue was. The kind of insight he got from me for free would have cost him thousands of euros from an actual coach. He took it. And then got passive aggressive the moment I started setting clear boundaries.
His signature move when I did: "Oh, I did not know that this now also is a thing I may not ask either."
Every. Single. Time.
He also told me regularly: I am not controlling like the others you blocked before.
Sir. People who are not controlling do not need to announce it daily. The announcement IS the control.
When I finally blocked him across every platform, he did exactly what they all do. Insults. Victim card. Told me my shop would fail. Threatened to unsubscribe from my newsletter — from a list I had already deleted him from before I even started blocking. Then he found a mutual contact and asked her to forward a message to me.
She asked my permission first. I said no. Done.
By Sunday I was sick in bed. Not because of the block — because my body had been holding months of stress and finally felt safe enough to release it. Getting sick right after blocking someone who drained you for months is not bad luck. It is your nervous system exhaling. Loudly. With a fever.
And now? I pick up my phone and there are no WhatsApp notifications from him. Every time I see that silence I feel relief. My phone does not feel like a threat anymore. I did not realise how much it had until it stopped.
The lesson is not complicated. Just hard to apply in real time:
Block the drainers. Early. Ruthlessly. Without explanation.
You do not owe anyone access to every department of your life. Not your weather. Not your groceries. Not your 3 AM. Not your mother's hand. Not your flight mode habits. Not your shop launch weekend. Not your nap schedule. Not your cleaning updates.
Your peace of mind is not selfish. It is the whole point.
With love, Phyllis
P.S. If reading this resonated with you, then feel free to subscribe to my newsletter. It's a 1-2 minute read that I send out once per week bringing some joy and love into your inbox - similar to this article here.