The job market looked at all of it and said: no thank you. So she got a tote bag instead. Obviously the correct decision.

Graphic design. Illustration. Copywriting. Storytelling. Coaching. Teaching. Several languages, fluently. DNS records. TXT records. Google Analytics in Shopify. Ray Peat inspired nutrition. Certified BAMF integration course teacher. Certified lash extension designer. The organizational skills of a small army. The dark humor of someone who survived a decade of German bureaucracy and is still standing.

And the job market — specifically the German one — looked at all of that and said: we will keep your CV on file. They did not keep it on file. Obviously. 😂

So she built her own shop instead. And now she carries her own things. In her own bag. On her own terms. Obviously. 💙

It is for the one whose skillset was simply too terrifying for HR to process.
It is for the one who stopped waiting for a salary that would never reflect her actual worth and started building something that does.
It is for the one who is now her own boss, her own brand, and her own HR department — and is doing significantly better without the job market's input.

'Absolutely Unhireable' is not a tote bag. It is a resignation letter to a system that never deserved her anyway. Carried on the shoulder now.

🖤🌿 Black bag, mint bold typography — as dark and unbothered as she is.
😂📋 For the one whose CV is a masterpiece that kept getting rejected. The system was not ready. Obviously.
✨🔥 Also for the one who is now her own boss and carrying her groceries, her laptop, and her entire business plan in one bag simultaneously.
🤝 Pairs perfectly with 'Absolutely Unhireable' Poster, 'Freelancing From Hell' and 'Gaslit by Bureaucracy' — right here in the Joyful Objects shop.
👜 10 litre capacity — enough for a laptop, a Widerspruch letter, and a very justified sense of vindication.
🌱 100% cotton, 100–170 g/m² — sturdy, reinforced handles, built to last longer than any job contract she was ever offered.
✨ Printed on demand — no minimums, no recruiters, no "we will get back to you."

Absolutely unhireable. Absolutely unstoppable. Carrying her own things now. L'chaim. 💙